The milk leapt
and opened
for the peanut
juice (essence)
and snorted
in–deep.
It worked (for).
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Category Archives: lies
Animal Sentience Passed Over for the NEXT BIG THING–
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Shivering Lily of the Nabir River Basin
Friday, April 10, 2009
I am one of perhaps a handful of Westerners who can claim to bear witness to the terrible spectacle of the Shivering Lily.
My man Phuad and I were tracking rumors of an aquatic man – a prehistoric “Gill Man” – that the natives of the Nabir River Basin claim to haunt the most remote regions [...]
Echo: In Memoriam
Friday, April 10, 2009
Ten thousand voices scream out for life–for death–for ten thousand, ten million, different things. I am seven of those voices, and, unbeknownst to my clients, I am weaving a tale of my own. It’s a tale nobody will read, nobody will ever be able to put together, except me–for my seven voices have no connections to each other but me.
The Weehawken Troll
Thursday, April 9, 2009
From the Gentleman’s Journal of Cryptozoology, 1923:
Even the most frugal of men may spy a penny on the sidewalk and give it nary a thought, stepping over it on the way to the haberdasher or butcher. It is unfortunate that it is so, for under the proper circumstances the humble copper penny can buy far [...]
Ancestor Spirits and the Rites of the Night Octopus
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
In certain sections of tropical Baro-Kar, the beach-dwelling natives revere the remarkable creature known as the “night octopus,” or in their own tongue, the “mulluk-tuk”.
The night octopus is a small purple cephalopod principally distinguished from its mundane kin by its small air bladder, located on the creature’s dorsal region. This singular gift of Mother Nature [...]
On the Attempted Acquisition of a Mind Lamprey
Monday, April 6, 2009
More than a fair number of my cryptozoological expeditions take place in the metadimension the ancient philosophers termed the “astral plane”. While the ancients made their journeys through the use of dangerous psychoactive chemicals and various magico-religious chants of spurious benefit, I am fortunate to reap the benefits of living in a more enlightened era [...]
Echo: Gundam Triathlon
Monday, April 6, 2009
Contact–a moment of insertion of consciousness.
I exist. They exist.
On the Natural History of the Cymenophtagus
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The cymenophtagus is a large, armored quadruped of great longevity best known for the production of large structures composed of individual rocks. The creatures possess prehensile tongues of great length and strength, used to manipulate boulders and stones into free-standing columns and dolmens of unknown purpose.
Only one zoological park in the west has ever attempted [...]
Powerball and Chain
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The Multi-State Lottery Association announced today that parolees in member states will receive free weekly Powerball tickets if they voluntarily submit to electronic monitoring.
(Suppose they offer this to one-armed bandits? Do you feel lucky? Har har.)
image CC-BY by Old Sarge
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
Telepresence Predicted Top Medium for Gundam Triathlon
Monday, March 30, 2009
Telepresence is expected to be the most popular medium for this year’s Gundam Triathlon (scheduled to take place 14 July (cue La Marseillaise) at Vinson Massif) according to Nielsen Media Research.
Estonia is expected is expected to continue to lead the world in telepresence viewers per capita (population 1.3M, TP viewership of last year’s GT estimated [...]